Hidden Agendas
There is no simple cause and effect. No two people travel the exact path from the day they are born until the day they die. All of us have different experiences with different people at different times in our lives. We interpreted those experiences differently, coped with stressful situations differently, attributed great significance to events someone else might have deemed unimportant, and so on.
Though we may have vowed to never become violent, the hostile feelings we try so desperately to suppress leak out anyway. We might be violent in more subtle ways- with disapproving looks, silent rebuffs, sarcasm, humiliation, love withdrawn or passive-aggressive behavior.
A psychological contract is an unspoken bargain that serves as the foundation of any relationship. Most of the rules we play by or the norms we live up to are completely unconscious.
Most relationships are held together by invisible connections for all to meet pivotal needs that they don’t even know they have. The unconscious elements of our psychological contracts are by far the greatest in number and often the most important to us. Though they are always unspecified and frequently unrealistic or unattainable, we, none the less, expect these unacknowledged needs, wants and wishes to be fulfilled.
Your self concept is composed of your self-image, who you believe yourself to be now, your ego ideal, who you wish you were and are striving to become and your self-esteem, importantly, how you feel about yourself and how you measure up to the standards you set for yourself.
Hidden Agendas- Dr. Marlin S. Potash
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