Double bind
A double bind, damned if I don't, damned ... is an emotionally distressing dilemma in communication in getting two conflicting messages, when one negates the other. A right answer to one message is the wrong answer to the other, automatically wrong.
Double binds are used as a form of control without open coercion. Confusion makes them hard to respond to, resist or resolve.
Gregory Bateson proposes a 'primary injunction' is imposed on the victim such as,
Do X, or I will punish you.
Don't do X, and I will punish you.
Do the first and second.
Double binds include different levels of abstraction in orders of messages. These messages, stated or implied, conveyed by body language or tone of voice. Further problems develop when double binds are part of a committed relationship.
The essence of double binds are two conflicting demands, each on a different logical level, neither can be ignored or escaped. The victim is 'torn', whichever demand attempted, the other impossible to accomplish.
“I have to, but I can't” becomes the response.
Bateson suggested in a repeated experience, when the double bind becomes a recurring theme, it can not be resolved as a single traumatic experience.
Wikipedia
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