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Emotional Blackmail






  Emotional blackmail a central form of psychological manipulation. It typically involves a close or intimate relationship. Susan Forward says emotional blackmail is manipulation, blackmailers close to the victim threaten, directly or indirectly, to punish them to get what they want. They might know their victim's deepest secrets or vulnerabilities. Many are friends, colleagues or family members with close ties that we want to strengthen and salvage. No matter how the blackmailer cares about the victim, they use intimate knowledge to win compliance.



  Forward and Frazier distinguish "Four Faces of Blackmail", punishers, self-punishers, sufferers and tantalizers. The punisher's motto: "My way or the highway". No matter what you feel or need, punisher's override you. The self-punishers cast targets in the role of the 'grown up' , the victim set up to be the only one to respond, to come running when they cry. Sufferers take the stand,

         "If you don't do what I want, I will suffer, and it will all be your fault."



Tantalizers, the most subtle blackmailers, nothing offered with a free heart.



  Emotional blackmailers use fear, obligation, and guilt to ensure the victim is afraid to cross them, obligated to give them their way, feeling guilty if they don't.



  Harriet Baker says people with borderline personality disorder are highly likely to use emotional blackmail. Similarly, the destructive narcissist seems to think he has a right to exploit others, to promote shame or guilt, and will resort to emotional blackmail.



  Resisting emotional blackmail is not straightforward. "Honoring and protecting our integrity isn't easy. Blackmailers shout down our inner guidance, interfere with the contact they have with our known parts."



  Recommended tactics are strengthening personal boundaries, resisting demands, use of the power statement, "I can handle this", buy time to break old patterns. Resistance does cause opposition and increased pressure. When one pulls out of a family system, others might brand the victim crazy, unforgiving or a family wrecker.





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