God forbade...must reading!

Forgiveness



  Forgiveness is fairly independent whether someone decides to reconcile. Forgiveness happens inside an individual. Reconciliation is restoring damage in a relationship, not within the individual. Trust can't be restored unless people are trustworthy.



   With no inter or intrapersonal forgiveness-  he is, simply, unforgiving. The trangressor is never told otherwise.



  However, if he feels forgiveness toward the transgressor, but doesn't say so, the forgiveness is silent. Silent forgiveness has benefits for the victim. He can feel peace, but still hold the transgression over the head of the perpetrator and, maybe, get concessions.



   If the victim doesn't feel forgiveness, but tells the transgressor he has forgiven is hollow forgiveness. Hollow forgiveness when the victim feels social norms require it. This can be costly, it can seem the transgressor was let off the hook, but negative feelings remain. The victim gets little more benefit than the adherence to social norm and relief from social pressure for not adhering to those norms.



  In full forgiveness, internal forgiveness is expressed to the perpetrator. Both victim and perpetrator benefit.



Forgiveness and Reconciliation

Everett L. Washington, Jr.