God forbade...must reading!

Resilience






Resilience. Too often, we admire the winners.. and give two flying hoots about the losers.



But, people, don't 'cha know?



  If you thought you had a troubled childhood. You don't have to go through your life an emotional cripple.



  Reslience may be an art, consider it the ultimate art of living. At the heart of resilience is a belief in yourself, but, as importantly, a belief in something larger than yourself.



  Experts differ how much resilience is genetic. An inborn ability to handle life's stresses varies among people. Resilience can be cultivated. It's possible to strengthen your inner self, your belief in yourself, to define yourself capable and competent, fortify your psyche and develop a sense of mastery.



  Psychiatrist Steven Wolin M.D. says there is a whole industry that would turn you into a victim by dwelling on the traumas of life. You have to believe and know you have the capacity for strength.



  Sometimes it may seem easier to be the victim; that others made you do what you did makes it easier not to change. Talk of resilience can make some feel no one really knows what they've gone through.



  It's the means children of troubled families are not immobilized by hardship, but rebound, learn to protect themselves and come away the better, leading gratifying lives.



  A troubled family can, indeed, inflict considerable harm, but resilient people are challenged by these troubles to experiment, respond actively and creatively. Pre-emptive responses to adversity, repeated over time, become incorporated into their inner selves as lasting strengths.



  To the degree resilience is learned it seems to develop from a need for self-esteem. Troubled families make their children feel bad about themselves, powerless. Resilience is the capacity to keep your head despite powerful parental influence.



   It's possible to be hurt and rebound at the same time. We are psychologically complex enough to manage the two. The resilient keep from blaming themselves for what has gone down, they externalize blame. They take responsibility for what goes right in their lives, internalize success.



  But they don't do it alone, they were not afraid to talk about the hard times they are going through with someone who cared for their well-being.


Hara Estroff Marano
Psychology Today