God forbade...must reading!

Chemistry




We, of the human species, form enduring pair bonds.



   This doctor overlaps three distinctive brain systems to cause us to fall in love, forming long-term emotional connections. Dr. Helen Fisher names neural systems for the sex drive, romantic love and attachment. We are alike in having these distinctions, but, in other ways, each of us is unique. We don't fall in love with just anyone. We have deep, idiosycratic preferences. Why do we fall in love with one and not the other?



  There is evidence we prefer mates of the same ethnic and socioethnic background, of nearly the same age, the same degree of intelligence, level of education, an appealing sense of humor with good enough looks.



  You can walk into a room of 40 people with all the prerequisites and you will not be likely to fall in love with all of them. 15th century Indian poet Kabir said the road of love is narrow. There is only room for one.



  Among many forces that sculpt our romantic horizons, Fisher lists a love map, an unconscious laundry list of qualities started in early childhood. Your mother's wit and way with words, your father's interest in politics and his fondness for the Cubs, what your siblings like and hate, the value of your friends and teachers, what you see on television.



  Mate choice can be seen like a funnel. You see a potential partner, size him up- physically too big, too little, too young, too old, too pink, too green, too messy, too clean. If they make the cut, you talk. A bad accent, a dumb remark, a tasteless joke, a touch of arrogance or other idiosyncrasy can nip a budding romance. If this stranger comes from your background, is the right age, has your level of education and intelligence, is socially adept and funny, has your values, fits your love map and the timing is right. Go with what you know.



  About your needs, many exchange good looks for money or rank. We often become attracted to those who mask our flaws and accentuate our better parts. Roles are important. Sizing them up you wonder if you'd be happy as the wife of a college professor or the husband of a lounge singer. Fisher contends unconscious mechanism pulls you toward genetic compliment.



  Perhaps marital friction is not so much from incompatibility, but for the job of producing and raising children.







Helen Fisher, Ph.D.,

Psychology Today