Sense of Fairness
As adults our sense of fairness gets offended when we perceive the way people in power seem to get away with things that we normal citizens would be held accountable for. The world has always been unfair, so why should anything be different now? Why should some people be born into money while others are born into poverty? Why should some people be healthier, or prettier or more charismatic than others? The world has never been fair. But we want better. We want to impose a sense of justice on this unjust world, and this can be the noblest of under takings. For instance, during these times of economic anguish, it irks us when some in the finance industry seem to have gotten away with what we perceive as corruption.
"They helped to cause our problems, we bailed them out, and now they take home big bonuses? It is not fair."
This sense of injustice can be seen today in the "Occupy Wall Street" protests stirring up around the world, in some budding attempt to address a belief that our economic system is fundamentally unfair.
From what I've seen in life, the world is often unfair, at least from a human point of view. Whatever the religion many are reassured by the spiritual notion that
"what goes around - comes around."
These beliefs reinforce our sense that things make sense, even when they don't. They reassure us that there is fairness in life that is not always visible. These ideas are suspicious, seen as ways to feel less wronged in a world that provides plenty of hurt.
The real problem is that when things don't work out in a way that is fair unhappy people can feel desperately bitter, holding onto their hurt and anger for years. We all know folks who somehow never get over their hurt, whether it's from a divorce or another injustice. They seem to hold onto to their injuries as a badge of their victimization.
Not everything that happens in life is good, but there is a way forward. You have to grieve your loss, financial, physical or the loss of your innocence to the best of your ability, deal with reality and embrace life. Fair can be an unfortunate four letter word, a way to get stuck in the past, to the detriment of everyone around you.
Is there ultimate fairness, on a micro basis, involving two people who have hurt each other? No, here fair is hard to come by. But healing, learning and becoming stronger because of what you have gone through is possible.
There is a place to set limits and fight for what is right. Just be careful not to get lost in your righteousness. You can easily lose perspective and fight when it's no longer productive.
Be careful. Protect yourself, but be pragmatic. The notion of fair is seductive and has cost many divorcees unnecessary years of pain - with injured children and depleted bank accounts to show for it.
Psychology Today
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