god forbade...must reading

Intelligent Lust

    You may have met someone with whom you share the likelihood of sexual compatibility and through conversation and experience have established trust, respect, acceptance and generosity, the elements of a solid relationship. But you won't fully appreciate the restorative aspects of your fantasies and desires until you fully engage them. 

 

   By acting out our sexual fantasies under the right circumstances, we have the opportunity to experience our true desires and with time, work through the mastery of the conflicts behind them. Whether it's with a lover or a spouse, we connect - physically, emotionally, and spiritually - with the deepest part of our psyches, recovering what was suppressed or lost.

   One day we just might find ourselves falling into the arms of our lover or bent over their knee for a spanking. But setting up a specific scene with a partner may be more meaningful and satisfying.

   Either way, we engage all our senses in full action - moving, talking, imagining, touching - an involvement that is ultimately both thrilling and spiritual.

    When we act-out our fantasies with a partner with whom we are truly sexually and otherwise compatible, we enter into an altered state, a realm in which play is supremely important, yet nothing could be more real and serious.

 

  If we've successful followed the steps of Intelligent Lust, not only have we worked through the fear, shame and guilt that hold our desires hostage, we've also established a level of intimacy, honesty and trust with a partner that would prevent them from feeling threatened.

    As we explore the nuances and subtleties of our sexuality by continuing to act-out our desires, we stop measuring our actions against traditions that have been handed down to us.

   Embracing our fantasies is not a static experience, our new desires slowly unfold over the course of our lifetimes, particularly when we have fully expressed the old ones. Yet, some will remain faithful to the original even though we no longer require them.

    Intelligent Lust fully engages our senses, minds, and souls. There is always more for us to understand, enjoy and share. And like the most authentic artists, our style and inventiveness grow more nuanced with time.

Stanley Siegel, LCSW

in Intelligent Lust

Psychology Today