Intelligent Lust
Many of us feel having a life-long partner is preferable to going through life alone or with a series of affairs, short-term relationships. Our culture supports the notion, from large numbers of tax benefits awarded married couples, to countless Sunday morning church services themes. And while we idealize the idea in movies, television shows, novels, whatsmore, fairy tales, forging a successful long-term relationship is all encompassing.
Nearly half of all marriages end in divorce though the number has been decreasing recently. Among the most commonly reported reasons are problems related to sex, especially the loss of intimacy and infidelity. Yet we still underestimate the importance of sex in our relationships, placing it low on the list of priorities. Collectively, we fail to appreciate sex as a spiritual and psychological affirmation of life.
The steps of Intelligent Lust encourage us to understand and explore our true sexuality openly and responsibly without presuppositions. The process better prepares us for the issues that typically occur in a relationships because through sex we communicate, negotiate power, reconciliate, give and receive, and sometimes heal our past. The act of giving and receiving pleasure can make facing life's daily challenges much easier. By making sexual fulfillment a prominent part of our relationships giving it greater importance, we are less likely to fight over mundane details. No matter what struggles we face, we momentarily put them aside and establish a time and place to embrace intimacy and desire.
Sexual frustration and resentment builds from an absence of communication or misunderstanding of true desires, when our thoughts and feelings go unspoken.
It's secrecy that threatens the relationship because, in hiding our desires, we often subvert feelings into self-serving, abusive, or manipulative behavior.
It's not monogamy that necessarily improves the chances of a relationship's survival, rather, it's our ability to confront the truth about our desires, to navigate all the possibilities for fulfillment that will lead to greater understanding and connection.
Psychology Today
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