Open Marriage
The author of the book Intelligent Lust says it is not about immediate gratification. Followers will find sex matures as we discover the deeper subtleties of each others’ erotic desires. As past conflicts heal, desires can change, too. But, some may find sex intensifies and follows new paths. Others may find themselves less interested in the kind of sex that once attracted them. Its frequency may decline or entirely disappears from the relationship. Even though these couples may have fostered deep respect and trust over the long-term, sex may still remain central in their thoughts and its absence now poses a real dilemma.
Followers find the differences in their sexual desires are too great to reconcile and yet they feel compatible in so many other ways.
Is keeping a monogamous relationship still the best solution? Will it increase the relationship's chances of survival?
For many, monogamy is not just a preference, but a necessary condition of a relationship - a means of protecting its stability and sustainability. For them, working through the struggle surrounding sexual conflicts contributes to life's deeper meaning and purpose.
But for others, monogamy becomes a choice to be seriously discussed and evaluated rather than followed as a prescription of religious and social norms or some assumed, unspoken rule.
Freud said that marriage was both a prison and a refuge. By maintaining the element of choice we can help keep a relationship from closing in on us. When faced with sexual incompatibility or bed death couples should consider all the possibilities open to them, from agreeing to give up sex entirely to creating an open relationship. Then make the choice that promotes the greatest health and growth for all concerned.
Acknowledging the truth to each other by putting it appropriate words is the first step. In order to make an intelligent decision about the future, it's essential for partners to engage in frank discussions about the possible consequence of their decision. Perhaps the most challenging questions are whether we can accept going without sex for the rest of our lives and are we willing to ask that of our partner? Is it more difficult to face the fear, jealousy and rivalry that may come with an open relationship or the struggle that goes with sacrificing our sexual lives? For some the answer will be difficult. Even though the answers might be painful, sweeping the issue under the carpet will prove an even greater threat. Keeping the truth hidden inevitably grows subversive.
Psychology Today
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