Mixed Signals
You likely see yourself very differently from the way others see you. A little self-awareness can prevent a lot of misunderstanding. Just ask a politician, an actor or a liar.
The difference between how you see yourself and how others see you is not just a matter of egocentrism. We all have blind spots. We change our self-conception when we see ourselves through anothers' eyes. The difference because the outsider's perspective affords information you overlook—like the fact that it looks like you're scowling when you're listening, or that you talk over other people. More novel information flows in weak, rather than strong ties. Since our close friends travel in the same circles, information overlaps. Acquaintances know other people, and, by contrast, they get novel information.
In some areas, we know ourselves better than others do. But in other areas, we're so biased by our need to see ourselves in a good light that we become strangers to ourselves.
There are bright spots, things known by both you and others. If everyone thinks you're a chatterbox, you probably are.
Dark spots, things known by neither you nor others. These could include deep unconscious motives that drive your behaviors. For example, your relentless ambition is driven by the need to prove your parent’s assumption that you'd never amount to much were wrong.
Personal spots, things known only by you, like your tendency to get anxious in crowds or your contempt for your coworkers.
Blind spots, things known only by others, your level of hostility and defensiveness, your intelligence and your attractiveness.
We're not entirely deluded about ourselves. In an illusion of transparency we overestimate the extent our internal states are detectable to others.
In a spotlight effect we overestimate the extent our behavior and appearance are noticed and evaluated by others.
"If you're quiet at a party, people don't know if it's because you're arrogant and you think you're better than everyone else or because you're shy and don't know how to talk to people,"
But you know, because you know your own thoughts and feelings so things like anxiety, optimism and pessimism, your tendency to daydream, and your general level of happiness, what's going on inside of you, those are things other people have a hard time knowing.
Psychology Today
No comments:
Post a Comment