Blame Game
I'm right, you're wrong. I'm good, you're bad. When we demonize or idolize, we eliminate the middle ground. It's all or nothing. It's black or white. There is no shade of gray. When we scapegoat and play the blame-game, we eliminate the space for compromise. There is no room to talk. There is no where else to go.
Most intense arguments are fueled by this kind of projection and splitting.
Maybe you get mean. Or you forget what you were arguing about in the first place. Or you find yourself making up things to justify you're point, even though they don't really make sense, even to you. Or, if you run out of ideas to support your view, maybe you turn the tables and accuse your partner of all kinds of stupidity and cruelty—even though you know him to be a mostly reasonable person.
The more invested we are in viewing the other person as wrong—silly or ridiculous or stupid or bad—the more difficult it is to compromise, change, and find a way out or a way through.
If you can admit that you might be wrong about some things, if you can find what you have in common, if you can remember that, fundamentally, you want some of the same things, then you have a chance to find a middle ground.
If you can get out of your own polarized point of view, you can start to think again. And thinking is the real deal. If you can think in a nuanced way that appreciates the gray, you get your mind back. You can free yourself from the paralysis of projection and splitting.
Psychology Today
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