Interpersonal Exploitation
Narcissists are seen as lacking empathy, feeling entitled and above the rules, and seeing other people as appendages whose sole purpose is to fill them with narcissistic supply. Yet sometimes the narcissist doesn't get everything she needs through mere subtle means. She needs to take a more direct approach. Thus, another narcissistic trait is interpersonally exploitative, that is, takes advantage of others to achieve their own ends.
An exploitative relationship may take many forms. But it generally involves using others without regard for their own feelings and interests. The narcissist doesn't even think about what's best for others. He places no value on open, fair and honest exchanges. He's too concerned with satiating his own hunger for whatever it is that he needs, be it physical, emotional, financial, whatever. For narcissists with power attachment, such as religious figures, chief executives, politicians and the like, this is like taking candy from a baby.
The narcissist has learned that other people do not always do his bidding or meet his demands in the way he expects. He has, therefore, developed manipulation skills, sometimes deceitful, to achieve his goals. Sometimes these skills are highly developed ability to charm and bring others under his spell or influence.
Other times, he may be exceptionally good at using intimidation, power plays, or intellectual prowess. Yet another style is the martyr manipulation of using helplessness, obligation, or guilt. In many ways, the narcissist has assessed, with considerable skill, the vulnerabilities of another person. He then effectively manipulates this person until he achieves his desired outcome.
Fear, obligation, and guilt hook family members into giving as much as they can even when it's clearly against their best interest. Narcissists and people-pleasers/codependents, or, otherwise victims have a way of finding each other. The cycle only stops when the non-disordered partner accepts that things will only change when he or she becomes aware that this is a one way relationship and that they will always be in the giving, not getting, role.
Psychology Today
Eleanor D. Payson
In The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists
No comments:
Post a Comment