Time Apart
How can couples take breaks that reduce tension, especially since the impulse to take a break is strongest when the tensions are high and climbing? At such times it's hard to separate cleanly. Frustrated we hiss a patronizing,
"Fine, I'll give you space."
Disappointed we sigh,
"I give up."
"I'm exhausted."
"Nevermind."
"Just forget it."
"Whatever."
Cold silence as we exit speaks volumes too.
Taking space and leaving in a huff are often indistinguishable. It's easy to hear,
"Let's pause this conflict but know that it's all your stubborn fault."
To name it is to tame it. Understanding it tames it, too. To change something, people focus on what's wrong. To accept something, people ignore what's wrong. No one can turn on a dime, from attending to a problem to ignoring it. Hit pause on your computer and it stops effortlessly. Not so with us warm-blooded ones. With us there's momentum to break. So when we're arguing both of us focused on a problem, we can't expect to suddenly drop it, shifting to ignoring the problem. That actually takes time. A little R&R apart gives us new perspective.
in Ambigamy
Psychology Today
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