Down and Dirty
The art of learning to love well is one of the most demanding challenges that we will ever take in our lives.
The current thinking is the deeper the connection that we develop with someone, the easier it should be, and if it's not getting easier it's because something is wrong, wrong with them, wrong with me, or wrong with us. Not necessarily. Deep relatedness brings out the worst as well as the best in us, our deepest fears and our greatest hopes, our selflessness as well as our possessiveness, our kindness and our insensitivity, our generosity and our self-centeredness. In working consciously with these emotions and impulses, we find ourselves feeling more trusting and open with each other and gradually begin to let down the defenses that shield and protect us from emotional distress.
Conscious loving requires us to come out from behind the security of our manufactured image and expose ourselves to the threat of emotional pain that we desperately want to avoid. What makes this so difficult is that it requires us to be fearless yet tender, committed yet open, engaged yet unattached, powerful yet yielding, and strong, yet, vulnerable. To fully love, we must cultivate the ability to hold the tension of opposites because love is inclusive not exclusive, and it can be fierce in its demands. It invites us into the space beyond the duality of separation or enmeshment and challenges us to surrender our defenses that protect us from harm.
Psychology Today
No comments:
Post a Comment