Holiday Anxiety
The problem with human minds is that they are always trying to save our lives, whether we need it or not. There are times when they make no distinction between being chased by a bear or being stuck in an elevator. The mind has a knack for sounding alarm bells even when we are perfectly safe.
There is plenty to be anxious or depressed about this time of year, but relationships seem to be the most common concern. That makes sense. Family, community, and togetherness are in the spotlight this time of year, and those just happen to be some of the mind's most pressing survival interests.
There was a time in our history when being ostracized was as good as a death sentence. Perhaps because of that, our brains are wired to pay close attention to our social world and to sound the alarm whenever relationships seem unsteady.
Our minds routinely compare us to others. Staying in the good graces of the clan means imitating normal behavior. It wouldn't have paid for one of our ancestors to bang the drums when everyone else was trying to sleep, and so humans learned to follow the crowd and do what others do.
This time of year, idealized images of family and relationships surround us, from pictures of happy families in advertisements to holiday portraits mailed by friends and family. A good and healthy human mind is going to compare us to those ideals and may decide that we are lacking, whether or not it's true.
A peculiarity about the mind and relationships, it can find problems where none exist, or exaggerate problems that are easily repaired. So what do we do with these holiday-angst-ridden minds?
The most important skill is simply to notice what's happening when some corner of the mind becomes concerned about relationships. Noticing what the mind is doing gives us choices, should we heed its warnings and start repairing relationships? Or is the mind simply sounding an otherwise red flagged, unwarranted false alarm?
If the former is true, now is as good a time as any to begin the repairs. If it's the latter, you might remind yourself that you don't have to believe everything your mind says.
in Ironshrink
Psychology Today
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