Pristine Firsts
Beginning in our late teenage years and early 20s, we develop and internalize a broad, autobiographical narrative about our lives, spelling out who we were, are, and might be in the future.
The story is peppered with key scenes high and low points, and turning points, a first experience can be any of these.
These experiences give us natural ways to divide up the stories of our lives episodic markers that help us make sense of how our life has developed over time.
Part of why firsts affect us so powerfully is that they're seared into our psyches with a vividness and clarity that doesn't fade as other memories do. It’s the primacy effect to certainly remember your first of anything.
We are better at recalling world and cultural events such as the Academy Awards or the World Series that happened during the early parts of our lives. This early-life memory bump happens because that's when we have the most first experiences.
Intense emotional sensations etch first experiences deeply into memory, creating what psychologists call flashbulb memories. Memories like our first kiss or tryst, our first glimpse of the ocean, our first day of school, or the birth of a first child engage all our senses simultaneously.
Besides emotional engagement, these experiences also pack a heavy dose of novelty. Novelty drives up dopamine and norepinephrine, brain systems associated with focus and paying attention and rewards.
A first romantic relationship has one critical novel element. It's the only time you're ever in love where you've never had your heart broken. You can have better relationships after that, but there's never again one where you've never been hurt.
Powerful first relationships can stamp a template in your mind that gets activated in later interactions. If you meet someone who reminds you even a little of an ex—whether it's a physical resemblance or a similarity in attitudes, gestures, voice, word choice, or interests this transference can engage the representation you have in your memory. Since your first love, by virtue of its novelty and emotional significance, is potentially your strongest, it may well be the representation that's summoned when you meet someone new, forging the lens through which you see new relationships.
Psychology Today
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