Soul Mates
Ancient accounts mirror the popular conception of soul mates, the notion that each person has a unique other half and that once they are reconnected they will be happy and in love. This idea of soul mates is a dominate theme in mass media and it seems to target young adults, particularly. After a break up, a common condolence is to tell the brokenhearted,
"He wasn't the right one," or "Mr. Right is still out there waiting for you."
or some other well intentioned drivel.
Common knowledge reveals a kind of design in nature, there is a specific purpose or end. In this case, the grand finale is finding the one who is specifically intended for you and only you, your soul mate. Young folks are often susceptible to this romantic notion early on when any optimistic pessimist with words of encouragement says there may not be anyone perfect for you. You may spend your entire life chasing a phantom created in your youth by such well-intentioned, though superficial, sentiments.
The concept of soul mates is passed down through fantastic narratives of lovers finding each other through impossible circumstances, overcoming obstacles, and having the resoundment they have found the one. The inference from complexity or probability to cosmic kismet is a weak one and should be rejected. The fact that something happened, or failed to happen, does not mean that things couldn't have happened otherwise or that there is a larger cosmic plan at work. Just because you love someone, doesn't mean you couldn't feel that way about someone else, or that your feelings may or may not continue.
If you do believe soul mates are designed or destined to be together, then issues of free will crop up, would you have a choice not to love your soul mate?
The crux of the soul mate argument seems to come down to a false dichotomy, either soul mates exist or it's all chance. The experience of finding a soul mate suggests it couldn't be pure chance because what they have is special and anything produced by chance is meaningless, base, and impersonal. If it's not chance, then soul mates must exist.
We can take from someother and add it another, still respect and account for the experience of soul mates without subscribing to purposeful design. It is possible for things to happen by chance and still be meaningful. Circumstances may involve elements of both chance and predetermination.
The fact that meaningful and passionate relationships exist without such a deterministic structure, that it happens in the face of chance and circumstance, is astounding in its own right, by Jove!
in Angst!
Psychology Today
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