Coolidge Effect
Research has found for women the longer the relationship sexual desire declines, for men tenderness generally declines. Usually the more frustrated partner quite logically assumes he would be perfectly happy if only he could have as much sex as their heart’s content.
Mates are actually up against a rather nasty subconscious genetic program, which often pushes them out of sync, sexually and even toward novel partners.
Consider a test of monkeys given hormone injections to preserve the mood. Monkey heaven, no? The males got it less frequently and with less enthusiasm.
The question is what would happen if your mate were always in the mood? Chances are good that you soon wouldn't be...at least with them. The sad truth is that if your spouse isn't having orgasmic sex with you as often as you'd like, they could be preserving your union by preventing you from satiating yourself sexually too frequently. This is not an ideal situation, however, because without frequent affectionate contact, the emotional bonds between couples weakens. Unfortunately, many couples drift into engaging in conscious affection only when pursuing said orgasm.
The Coolidge Effect is the tendency to tire of the old man or woman with whom you have sexually got your fill, while mechanically perking up for a new one.
Female mammals were known to flirt a lot more with unfamiliar partners than with those with which they've already copulated. In keeping with this phenomenon, when couples divorce because their sex lives have gone out of sync, the formerly uninterested spouse is often startled by a raging libido when a new lover enters the picture.
Why would biology cause a regular partner to look more and more like brussels sprouts and a new one to look like rich chocolate mousse? Your genes prefer to sail into the future on as many different boats as they can clamber aboard. Monogamy is as risky as putting all your eggs in one basket.
No mammals are monogamous, sexually exclusive, and only a small percentage even bother pair bonding. These pair-bonding outliers are known to be socially monogamous. They readily form long-term attachments and often raise their offspring together, even if some of them still experience urges to fool around thanks to the Coolidge Effect.
The Coolidge Effect becomes more evident after the honeymoon wears off. As expected, new lovers inevitably believe they are immune as do people who believe they are not getting enough good loving. Sure enough, research shows that spouses tend to find each other more irritating the longer they are married.
Its important to remember the more subtle pleasures can register as surprisingly enjoyable and partners tend to retain their sparkle. So, if the Coolidge Effect creeps into your union, don't panic. You may have options you hadn't considered.
Psychology Today
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