Status Anxiety
Status anxiety, like all universals has its own deep logic. Learning that our best college friend is happily married and wildly successful brings sincere joy and admiration, but also, waves of envy, that serves a primal purpose. Envy nudges us to earn an impressive job title, snag material comforts and catch a keeper, all of which, as nature would have it, boil down to life's reproductive cycle.
We may never be able to overcome our concern with status, and we may not want to. In moderation, it’s good for us. Understanding our need for status can help us make use of our talents and channel our energies most productively.
We are all, at least, somewhat malcontent with our lot. The frustrations accumulated, as we fall behind in our career goals or mortgage payments, are tiring and vulgar. We can struggle to fit into our favorite pair of jeans, battles we're not proud of. But to our credit, we don't simply want more, more, more.
A Cornell economist says it's who is near you, physically, and who is most like you, your family members, coworkers and old high school classmates, with whom you compare yourself.
"If someone in your reference group has more," he says, "you get a little anxious."
This economist dismantled a premise central to economic theory. People will always choose the greatest absolute amount of wealth. Research shows our preferences are actually quite relative.
We'd rather make $50,000 while living in a neighborhood where everyone else makes $40,000 than earn $100,000 among those who gross $150,000.
The homogeneity in most communities sensitizes us to tiny upgrades in our midst.
We are primed for pettiness, a method to our bitchiness, programmed to notice seemingly inconsequential gradations, but for good reason. Being chronically dissatisfied lights a fire where the sun doesn’t shine.
From primitive society we’ve jockeyed for food and love in very direct ways that lent urgency to cooperative living, and cutthroat ranking, as well. The civilized modern stage upon which status dramas are played out is not so stripped down, we don't literally miss out on meals if our neighbors overstuff their pantry. The mechanism remains intact and is attuned to the same ultimate goals.
It’s in our nature to home in on the goals of survival and reproduction, men and women conserve mental energy for comparisons in realms that relate to these two pursuits.
Think of how women are easily irritated by a gorgeous secretary, while straight men barely cast a glance at the new smashing young male paralegals.
Women are more envious of other women's good looks, say evolutionary psychologists, because appearance is an important marker of youth and fertility.
To draw the comparison, a survey reported women would rather be a 5 among 4s.. than an 8 among 10s.
Psychology Today
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